Jessica Simpson confused the hell out of everyone when she stopped by the Ellen Degeneres Show to talk about her kids, mermaid parties and her relationship with husband Eric Johnson.

She started off, straight away addressing pregnancy rumors – She’s not pregnant – before jumping into details about her children’s recent mermaid party, which led to some awkward ruminating on how mermaids go to the bathroom, what the people who carry them to the bathroom are called, and the shocking hypothetical situation in which one of the mermaids pees on her kids, indirectly, by peeing in the pool.

This isn’t a back-and-forth conversation between Ellen and Jessica, it’s mostly just Jessica talking to herself, which is amazing because she seems to have a hard time forming coherent sentences.

Later Jessica struggles to count to seven, the number of years she and her husband have been together, and alludes to a long term relationship with a woman.

We think Ellen’s face during this segment says it all.


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